One of the most common responses we see from men when they face sexual or erectile difficulties is simply avoidance. It makes sense. If sex has become frustrating, challenging, embarrassing, or humiliating, then why in the world would anyone continue trying to be sexual? Avoid all that pain by simply avoiding sex. It’s simple!
While it is an understandable feeling and a logical response, it might be compared to someone who has a leg injury who decides to simply give up on walking. It certainly is one answer, but it’s probably not the best answer. It is not in the best interests of anyone to go through life denying their human sexuality.
It remains a basic human need to be sexual. Even though sex may not be working the way we’re used to, or the way we’d like it to, we all still need to maintain both a solo sex life and an intimacy with our partners. It’s good for our mental health. It’s good for our physical health. It’s sort of like that not-walking choice. Eventually, it will lead to further complications and problems.
The first place to start is to think about solo sex. The great thing about solo sex is that you can try things out all by yourself to see how they work, how they feel, and how you respond. Every time I talk about a new technique or therapy with a man, I always caution him to try it out in private and solitude. For example, I hear stories about men who got their penis pump in the mail and are so excited to try it out, that they call in their partner to witness the resurrection of their penis – only to witness a DOA. Well, when things go badly, the letdown makes hope seem more far-off than ever.
No matter what, guys need to remain connected to their penis in more than just a flesh and blood relationship. Even if it’s not working right, even if it’s not feeling right, even if it bears no resemblance to the penis you used to have, you still need to have fun with it.
Many guys don’t realize they can still ejaculate and orgasm with a flaccid penis just as they can with an erect one. Yes, masturbation techniques may change, but the outcome should not. Lots of lubricant, patience, and an exploring spirit can result in some pretty rewarding moments of pleasure.
In addition to adjustments in technique, men may have to find erogenous areas of their bodies they’ve never had to pay much attention to. The perineum, testes, nipples, thighs, anus and groin can all provide some very intriguing sensations. It might take some bravery and a sense of fun adventure, but the rewards are worth it.
Be a pioneer. Be an explorer. The voyage of sexual self discovery is one that has no final destination – but it’s one heck of a journey!